Gay Rude Boys

Coming up on a month ago, my bestie Sophia and I were driving down the highway on the way to look at rescue dogs. A car passed us that had a bumper sticker with a dog paw and a rainbow flag inside the paw. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sophia asked. “Do they have a gay dog?”

“Maybe,” I said.

“Is that possible?”

Well, Gentle Reader, after having acquired a rescue dog and having him meet my other rescue dog, I can tell you that it’s possible. One of Saffron’s and Bartleby’s favorite pastimes so far is to happily take turns humping each other. We could get into a debate about whether or not that means they’re actually gay, but I like to think of them as my gay rude boys. Gay, because they hump each other, and rude because they are both virtually untrained. We’re working on the “untrained” part, but in the meantime I find my untrained brutes to be quite charming indeed, even when I wake up to the carnage leftover from the night before. Bartleby is crate-trained when I’m not home, but I cherish my late-night cuddle parties with the gay rude boys, so they find ways to entertain themselves while I’m sleeping in. For instance…

• Knock over the water bowl and bring it to the foot of my bed
• Play tug of war with my Hello Kitty pajama pants
• Play tug of war with my Jack Skellington scarf
• Play tug of war with and destroy a knee sock
• De-stuff a novelty pillow
• Destroy sketchbooks
• Urinate on the floor

This has been a long-winded way of saying that I am even more behind in my Nano word count than I was last week, but I’m prepared to take a leaf out of one of my untrained brutes’ books. So far, I have been enshrining my Nano novel as a place to escape to, but I think my story will be more interesting if I set fire to paradise and give myself some betrayal to write about. I will break my own heart in the process, but making the word count will be much easier.